influence

Did you ever play the game follow the leader when you were younger? Perhaps you still play it without even knowing it. Leadership, I think is one of the most important characteristics required for creating an extraordinary life and living up to your true potential.

Leadership is not what most people think it is. It is not a skill and it is not a role, but it is a decision. True leaders are followed automatically. They do not exert effort or try to be followed. It just happens spontaneously. Leadership is infectious. Not only does it inspire people to action it also draws people to ‘it’. The main reason why you would want to become a leader is to have the ability to lead yourself. Leading your own life and steering your own course - being able to decide and take command of every life situation. Now hat is true leadership!

Followers wait for things to happen. They wait for others to decide for them and if things go wrong at least they can say that it was someone else’s fault. These people will always have someone to blame. They will always have a scapegoat. The problem, however is that they will always feel like their lives are out of control because, it is. They are not responsible for their own lives.

When you are a leader you don’t have to wait for anyone or anything outside yourself before you do what you want and go for what you desire. Leaders simply lead the way by being decisive. Leadership is a state of mind and it is something that you assume by making a decision. Either you have a plan for your life or life has a plan for you. You either take charge and make it happen or you can wait for life to give you the ‘have to’s’. Leading yourself enables you to not wait for life to give you the reasons before you make the decision or make the shift. You have the power because you’ve assumed your power to be a leader. Leaders are able to inspire and motivate and being able to inspire and motivate yourself will probably be the greatest shaper of what you become and what you make of your life.

You will find that as you start to ‘lead your own life’ you will automatically attract people to you that will support your endeavors and help you accomplish what you set out to do. Leaders are magnetic and have the power to draw people to them because they make things happen. Ann Landers once said that there are only three types of people: those who make things happen, those who wait for things to happen and those who said ‘what happened?’

Which one are you?
Which one do you want to be?

Remember that leaderships starts by having the desire to be in control and then simply deciding that you will lead and not follow the ‘affairs of your life.’ You can assume this incredible privilege to be a leader by starting to think of yourself as that. Think of, and dwell upon the idea of yourself as someone who makes things happen; as someone who leads and directs their own life. Affirm to yourself ‘I am a leader, I will lead not follow.’ Do it often until it becomes part of who you are and how you define yourself (to yourself). Become the conductor of the symphony of your life. Life is moving and time will most certainly pass. You can either ‘go with the flow’ or put both oars in the water and start rowing your own boat and create the life you want instead of the one that just shows up.

This article is published with the permission of the author, Deon Du Plessis. He is the founder of The Self Improvement Gym, and author (in)action, a groundbreaking new action guide on eliminating procrastination. For more of his in-depth insights into personal development and access to his free self improvement library visit http://www.The Self Improvement - Gym.com

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These days everyone has to be able to influence in some aspect of their lives, be it the workplace or on the personal front. Good influencing is a great skill to have and some people are just naturally adept at it. Whether using a charm initiative, empathy, business acumen, humour, persuasiveness, even persistence, there are all kinds of ways to influence.

There’s one aspect of influencing that might help you prepare your influencing strategy more effectively, and that’s to look at the whole arena in terms of overt or covert influencing.

Here’s how we define the difference.

In overt influencing both you and ‘influencee’ know what’s happening; both of you are conscious of what’s going on. It’s like flirting: you know your doing it and the recipient knows as well.

In the case of influencing it’s as though everyone’s cards are on the table: everyone knows what hand the other ‘holds’.

There tends to be a free exchange of useful information that will be mutually beneficial and all parties prefer things to be transparent. Along with that, agendas and goals are also clear and agreed and the influencing ‘play’ if you will is about how to ‘get there’.

When the influencing is covert, you are conscious of what’s going on and your own behaviour, but the other party/ies will usually be unaware that you are trying to influence them. In this situation you need lead by example: you need to have a clear strategy in your head and have an end goal to aim for. Not only that, you may both have completely different agendas (not necessarily conflicting, just different), so it’s up to you to involve them as though were helping you create the strategy.

As well, you need to understand what they want and need and accommodate your personal style to better suit their needs. Now by this we don’t mean twist yourself into knots and become someone you aren’t. Rather, it’s about understanding what part of your own personality fits theirs and ‘turning up the volume’ on that one part.

For instance, perhaps most of the time you’re a straight-forward, no-nonsense person with a quick mind who makes decision really fast. But you’re trying to influence someone who doesn’t think in the speedy way you do and likes to consider things very carefully.

In this case, you won’t get very far on the influencing stakes if you show impatience or try to talk them into seeing things your way. This is a time when you could turn up the volume on your listening skills to demonstrate that you are considered as well (you may very well be considered it’s just your quick-wittedness may not look like it to other people).

Once you define whether an influencing situation is overt or covert, you can adjust your behaviour accordingly to get a result you’ll all be happy with.

Jo Ellen and Robin run Impact Factory who provide Influencing Training, Presentation Skills, Communications Training, Leadership Development and Executive Coaching for Individuals.

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• “We have to be careful it’s like a minefield out there”
• “I like to lob the odd grenade into the meeting to shake things up”
• “You have to watch your back all the time with her”
• “We need to attack whilst they are in a weak position”
• “There was blood all over the carpet after he had finished with them”

What is your reaction when you are in situations where you hear these kind of messages? What sort of tone and atmosphere do you think they create?

These words and phrases are becoming more common-place language amongst managers and are indicators of how things are done in their business. They are also indicative of the growing number of leaders who believe that running a business is like waging war or engaging in a military operation.

Using analogy, metaphor and strong language are all helpful in getting a message across. However, they become unhelpful when they aggressively drive the ways in which communications and interactions are carried out.

Let’s examine the effect of operating with a warlike and military mindset.

First, it encourages people to adopt a consistently aggressive stance and set of behaviours. In a war one side supposedly wins and the other loses. Yet as we know, history has often proved this to be a fallacy. In business a win/lose approach generally creates fear, anger, frustration and often the desire for payback. Do you want these feelings to be rife amongst your managers, staff, suppliers and customers? A leader who adopts this way of thinking is also giving permission for his people to attack others, ignore them, abuse, bully, manipulate, and put others down. When this becomes a pattern, the outcome is usually characterised by a growing culture of hostility, inappropriate competition, resentment, lack of trust, overcritical feedback, excessive control and poor decision making. This is exactly what happens when a military group becomes riddled with abuse.

Second, at a personal level, individuals are encouraged to view others as the enemy. Too often this becomes people from other areas of the business rather than uniting and focussing energies on a goal, or what competitors are doing. How often do you hear, “It’s those idiots in HR who are slowing us down” or “IT are a law unto themselves.”?

These conflicts often prevent a business from supplying the type of service the customers need and so external relationships become more difficult. One situation where this is most acutely observed at its worst occurs where buyers or sellers talk of “screwing the b******* for every last penny.” What do you think it’s like to be “forced to give ground,” when you are already struggling to maintain a foothold or it seems like you are “in retreat?

Let’s imagine a day in the life of “W”, our archetypal warmonger, so we really understand why this situation is a disaster. Leaving the “home” battlefield in the harassed hands of a suffering lieutenant, “W” is drawn into conflict with every other commuter who is perceived as delivering “hostile fire.” …red-faced and pumping adrenaline. On arrival at work, “W” is fired up to give the team a roasting for this week’s performance. Having dispatched these shamefaced privates to the front line, “W” can now beat off the demands and advances of several colleagues and seek out malevolent customers whose payments are a day overdue. Now on a roll, “W” stalks or pursues departments who have not supplied the figures or information “needed yesterday”. “W” even has time to offer the bosses advice on the right tactics for the way forward. It’s been a good day for “W” as he steels himself for the next campaign, unaware of the trail of destruction in his wake…..

Do you want to be another “W”? What is it like having to work with or for him?

What can you do to create a different scenario?

Start with your own thinking and mindset. You will only create a constructive environment for yourself and others if you believe that life and work can be joyous, fun, stimulating and challenging - and you want to be part of it. Consider before you attend your next meeting, are you thinking: “this is going to be difficult, a fight for survival, where I can’t afford to give anything away and I must battle for everything”. OR a much more helpful alternative, “this will stretch me and I can rise to the challenge by convincing others that what I bring is useful and we can all get some of what we want”.

Your attitude needs to be supported in your overall approach. If you adopt an optimistic, constructive, interested, caring and honest approach, it becomes positively contagious for others. Most people respond to leaders who are forward looking, straight talking, focussed on positive outcomes and willing to include others in their vision and decisions. Added to this, is the ability to use a range of helpful strategies, dependent on the situation and the people involved. Ask yourself at any point, how do you need to approach these people to get their commitment to the vision, make the most of their thinking, and deal with the problems we need to resolve?

Finally it will be your day-to-day behaviour towards others and their perception of your impact that will confirm their response and position. By developing a complete toolkit of complementary behaviours which you can use consciously and in the right place, you will increase your positive impact and success rate.

Based on our research and experience, we strongly recommend you use combinations of the following styles, as appropriate:

• Be clear, concise and structured when you want to persuade others to your point of view. Ask yourself how will this idea make sense to them and what benefits will be important?
• When things are going well let others know and celebrate success. Conversely people prefer to know what is not working. So be explicit and precise about what needs to be different.
• State directly and precisely what you need others to do and what your expectations are. Most people like to know where they stand.
• Really listen to what others think, so you can learn from them and tap into their creative abilities. Continually explore for the best idea and solution. Remember, your idea is not always right.
• Establish as much common ground as you can early in the relationship so that you are working from a strongly shared base and can resolve issues more easily when things get tough.
• Be open about what is going on for you and in the situation. Seeking help when you need something will make it easy for others to know how to best support you.

Articulate your vision and strategy only when you know it contains something which will really hook and attract others.

• The easiest way of all to create a positive environment for yourself and others is to say “thank you” and take a personal interest in those working closely with you.

If you openly use these behaviours you will build a healthy rapport with others based on trust, collaboration, involvement and best practice. Your role will shift from being a warmonger to that of peacemaker.

Co-written by Bruce Hoverd and Graham Yemm. Graham is a founding partner of Solutions 4 Training Ltd. During his years as a consultant he has worked with a variety of major companies in the U.K., Europe, USA, the Middle East and Russia in Sales, People and Management Skills. He has had many years of experience tailoring programmes to address organisational issues around sales, account management, negotiations, sales management and customer service - especially focusing on the communication and personal skills aspects. Graham is a Master Practitioner of NLP and an accredited trainer for the LAB profile programme - “Words that Change Minds”. His personal enjoyment comes from helping individuals to take more responsibility for their own actions- freeing them to feel they can make more choices about their lives. Contact, http://www.solutions4training.com or call +44 1483 480656

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